The Many Shapes of Loneliness: How to Cope When You Feel Alone in Adulthood

Spring brings longer days and more light. It’s a season of renewal, possibility—and for many people, a quiet pressure to be more social.

Maybe that excites you. Maybe, like me, it also overwhelms you.

If you’re in your late 20s or 30s, you’re likely in a stage of life that craves deeper connection—but offers fewer built-in ways to create it. Outside of work, it’s hard to find consistent, meaningful social spaces. It’s not uncommon to find yourself searching “how to make friends in your 30s” or “social groups for women in adulthood” and quietly wondering if everyone else has already figured it out.

Many of my therapy clients express a similar tension: wanting meaningful connection but feeling too tired to chase it. At the end of the day, there’s often a dual longing: to connect, and to rest.

And in that liminal space, loneliness sneaks in.

It may show up quietly—during a solo evening at home, while scrolling through your phone, or even while surrounded by people.Loneliness can feel like an ache in the chest, or a dull pit in the stomach. It doesn’t always announce itself—but it’s there.

And it’s more common than you think.

The Many Forms of Loneliness in Adulthood

Loneliness isn’t always about being physically alone. It can show up in subtle and surprising ways:

• Feeling disconnected even in social situations

• Wishing for deeper friendships, but unsure where to begin

• Reaching out but not feeling met

• Feeling unseen, even in relationships

As a therapist, I often remind people: loneliness is an emotion—not an identity.It’s a wave that rises, breaks, and eventually passes.

But that doesn’t mean it’s easy to deal with. So here’s what I’ve found helpful, both personally and professionally:

How to Cope With Loneliness

1. Reframe your identity. You are not a lonely person. You are a person experiencing loneliness. It’s a small shift that creates space to breathe.

2. Normalize it.Even people in committed relationships, with strong social lives, feel lonely. Loneliness is part of being human. Sometimes, it walks beside us. And that’s okay.

3. Rename it.Try calling your loneliness longing. Longing for consistency. For belonging. For places you can show up and be seen. Longing has purpose. It points toward something meaningful.

When to Consider Therapy for Loneliness

If you’re feeling isolated, misunderstood, or unsure where to turn, therapy can be a helpful space to explore those feelings without shame.

I work with thoughtful adults who want more depth, clarity, and connection in their lives—but don’t always know where to begin.

In therapy, we name the ache.We listen for what it’s trying to say. And together, we find a gentler, more authentic path forward.

→ Ready to take the next step? Reach out here. You don’t have to do this alone.

And if today is one of those lonely days, try saying this to yourself:“I’m not a lonely person. I’m just a person, in this moment, feeling lonely. There will be other moments. There will be time.”